a sudden break from the bland
concert lines and later bands
don't want you to misunderstand
i love your company, i'd hold your hands
just not sure what you can withstand
not to push you, not something i planned
however you want me, by your side i'll stand
am i people? am i a person?
im sure im not a people-person
they know what to say, how to breathe, when to smile
im missing all of that, by a mile
the basement bathroom smells like vomit and vanilla
chairs scoot and students shuffle above my head
the basement bathroom has a broken lock on the door
custodians missed a splotch of blood on the tiles
the body shakes and shivers, bile empty and bleeding
i clutch my stomach i cry and i hunch
my wrists and thighs itch for sharp touch
a cruel mimicry of anothers experience
how i function in this academic pestilence
who taught me this?
how to love-hate-hurt and pull myself apart
was i always going to become
were there signs? where were they?
i do keep my eyes peeled, you know
im superstitious and paranoid
and every day at eleven eleven,
ill knock on my skull and hope
so where is it? the proof ill change
theres none that i see
these tiles are all the same
repeating patterns
repeating battery
upon the bare floor i scratch,
seeking something below to explain
who am i, without my writhing in pain?
obsessive starts lead to boring ends
incessant blurts of information
shivers up skin at response
what are you doing this for?
dopamine crescendo gets you high
the complete lack gets you crushed by
over infatuated
un recompensated
cruised through words
the downing of birds
its cute in a way
on the dirty curb
until you do not speak
lips meet smoke
and his chest beats weak
you hope for more and pitter patter hearts
yearn and groan for butchering of parts
teeth meet pavement
hand meets ass
thick skin
is it worth breakin?
