au contraire

"weird dog there," he says.

"lol, it's nothing, i neglect to mention him anyways," they say, with my leash dangling off their wrist.

it's such a passé thing, a pet, a lover,

and each of them know they could find another.

bile, jealousy, acting out, chewing on your shoes

sometimes i wonder if you ever knew-

fast forward, flashback,

misconstrued words, and minor heart attacks.

i was a shithead then, all bark, couldn't bite,

vowed to never be that animal again, i'll,

scratch and claw and burn inside,

watching you from where i hide.

you deserve friends and adoration, 

jokes and exclamations,

but i will remain, a shaking tender beast, 

tired from the noise, sleeping at your feet.

burning flesh & sweat & chlorine

coughing fits like shards of glass

and breaths of air that never last

escapes from shells bubbles jars

fleeting thoughts walks in front of cars

have i had a tragedy more pure 

than futile ruminations on my own cure

for flesh and bone are built to last

the grey matter of my brain holds my past

one garbled and fuzzed

years of misunderstanding

how to cope with a crash-landing

no black box no record of woe

some missing scars some broken toes

proof is all that i held dear

it slips further from me year by year

(un)holy love

pastries from the supermarket
sweetness in the void
they are like a blanket
over all the noise
bits and bytes and
crushed audio voice calls
see you in a thousand pixels
lest its deeper that i fall
an unlikely place
a short & tall pair
goals that i work toward

a tank full of air
my safety and my ward
oh for my consistency
i push onward

desrever

 yticirtcele eht raeh i rekcufrehtom

yticadua eht htiw kcuf ,em hguorht ninnur

nwod-d-d-d em nrut tndluohs uoy rekcufrehtom

dnuora uoy nrut annog m'i haey wow

noitautis eht ecrof

noitammusnoc eht ecrof

wonk uoy rekcufrehtom

noitalosnoc on sereht

)ratiug cirtcele kcis(

 !on !ho

uuuuuoy rof ezirp on

 !won !llew

oood annog ahctahw

!yrc !maercs

llllew sa tsuj sti

!yhw !dog

lmth ruoy ot tihs taht dda

nwod-d-d-d em nrut tndluohs uoy rekcufrehtom

dnuora uoy nrut annog m'i haey wow

noitautis eht ecrof

noitammusnoc eht ecrof

wonk uoy rekcufrehtom

noitalosnoc on sereht

haey

four point five

is it worth it, to try

when they look in

your eyes

staring straight ahead

never planning for future

motives of the undead

saving $ for your sutures

is it worth it, to struggle

to finally have the time 

give a death rattle 

instead of a war cry

breath lines into a page

making it, getting by

bones so cold, body so swollen

are you sure you're not a corpse? 

tripping out his last moments

a slideshow, a montage 

of all youve ever done (its not a lot)

yr family yr friends and yr loved ones (not many left)

are you sure?

are you sure, that this will be your end?