surely not

am i people? am i a person?

im sure im not a people-person

they know what to say, how to breathe, when to smile

im missing all of that, by a mile

four point five

is it worth it, to try

when they look in

your eyes

staring straight ahead

never planning for future

motives of the undead

saving $ for your sutures

is it worth it, to struggle

to finally have the time 

give a death rattle 

instead of a war cry

breath lines into a page

making it, getting by

bones so cold, body so swollen

are you sure you're not a corpse? 

tripping out his last moments

a slideshow, a montage 

of all youve ever done (its not a lot)

yr family yr friends and yr loved ones (not many left)

are you sure?

are you sure, that this will be your end?

juvenile extermination

have i ever (never) grown past that?

sitting in the stairwell

hiding under bleachers

behind burning buildings, and metaphorically crashed cars 

i found bugs and those who loved

myself, alone, in the dirt

an EXoskeletal INtrovert 

buzzing headphones, sweat down my back

losing my grip (am i a hack?)

failing scores, and tailing-doves

i who love, dishonest hugs

a lightbulb in a dryer drum

the beetles all begin to hum

thrumming from inside my skull

millipedes _____ feeling full

lightning never striking twice

its struck three times all my life

(luck for the unlucky is a comedy)

 

wet winter

i'm still waiting for your plane, taxi, car, train. i can’t keep waiting, just go. please leave. that motormouth will take you wherever you want, whirring and buzzing along, the occasional stutter or single syllable speedbump the only thing that stops you.

i don’t have much in comparison to you. full of thunderclouds and dreams and dissatisfying satisfactions. tiny little drips of words drip drop, drip drop, until suddenly good old indy comes sprinting through, giant rolling sphere hot on his trail like a bowling ball knocking down all the pins of resistance.

then it’s not a drip, it’s a flood, and i’ll fucking drown you in me.

bumping down the road, teeth gnawing through your lips. there’s a canyon up ahead, but you don’t look at the forest for the trees. don’t worry, i’ll catch you, for the crags and the spires and the danger at the bottom will turn to dust at my wish.

reality. oh my roiling, lazy guts filled with nothing but instamessage bloops and noxious coffee grounds. that’s nothing that anyone (anyonemeaningyouormeoryouoranyone) wants to see.

sold as a set

i want to silence everything but you

you should be the only thing to bring me out of my half consciousness

you're like a spirit passing through me

energy in my flesh bone and tendons 

and i kiss your half of our necklace every time i put it under my shirt 

eating a hole through my ribcage 

hot boiling sugar candy

melding into my heart

though the other half sits in my jewelry box waiting

i know you feel it

i feel you too